Book Review: “GRAPPLING: Leaders Striving To Improve” by Robert Kaplan

To grow is to grapple with what stands in the way of change, much of which is in your head. The challenge is to get whatever it is—a screwy thought, a needless fear—out of the way. That’s where grappling comes in.

Most of us find ourselves grappling at one time or another. In his new book, GRAPPLING: Leaders Striving To Improve, leadership advisor Robert Kaplan uses 8 engaging fictionalized stories of personal transformation, based on real life people he has worked with, to illustrate where the blockers to growth originate, and how to recondition our thinking so we can move forward. We meet his characters at home in the family setting, and at work in the office environment, enabling us to peer into their psyche and perhaps see ourselves reflected in their struggles.

Rather than giving “answers,” each of Kaplan’s stories offer insights about leadership and self-improvement that we can apply to our personal grapplings in order to draw our own conclusions. He plunges us straight into each story, and without side comments or interpretations, we learn things at the same time as the people involved, directly experiencing their concerns as they (and simultaneously we) try to grapple with the problems and grope for resolutions. We witness the challenges of changing, and celebrate any breakthroughs with them when they happen, if they happen.

Kaplan also reveals how executive coaching works, how guides are also human beings, with needs and habits that they have to control, just like the executives they are trying to help. We see his guides deciding how to interact with clients, constantly trying to find the right question, the right connection, to help the leader understand.

Whether you are grappling to grow in your personal life or the professional arena, Kaplan’s insights are easy to grasp. He talks about how high performing executives undermine themselves with counterproductive behaviors and beliefs that they may not recognize or even believe are important to their success. How often we are seen as a big guy in the world, but inside still feel small. Moreover, what effect your behavior has on those around you and how to recognize (and make use of) their reactions.

His expanse is broad, including childhood influences, the role of family support, how emotional scars bring us down, parenting challenges, women’s voices, plus an intriguing exercise of jotting down ten answers to the question: Who am I? (Just a word or two for each, and how to dig deeper into their meaning). He talks about the importance of positive feedback and the difficulty people have in accepting it, and how the help of an outside voice—a guiding hand—is often the key to successful transformation. Moreover, as a mentor Kaplan is encouraging, counseling that contrary to what many people pessimistically or fatalistically believe, change is possible if you’re brave enough and willing to put in the work of grappling with yourself, and you get good help in doing that work. 

Nicole Killian